'Friendless Complex'

 ...But USA being home for both power symbols and as well as incredible range of diversity among its inhabitants whatnot, besides its sheer geographical size of the land it's always that lurking sense of unexpectedness from Criminology alone that I think renders minorities including me to keep on the alert at all times. ..Trouble is, no one at my work seems to think that they're one; instead, besides all the freakish as well as myriad sets of problems that can fall upon individuals (i.e. Soft White Underbelly), U.S. nationals alone in my opinion it seems to me are too much on the optimistic/happy-go-lucky side as a mass. Unless I'm wrong and making yet another gravely mistaken statement, that was.

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But ever since I started to employ the 'no. 6' method (all for one's own self-preservation's sake), it's true that the feeling of this almost stupefying of level of infantility so to speak I can't say had weaned off sound & clear on my end either. ..If that ever made sense to anyone, that is.

It's not like I'm still in the state where I'm not accepting where I practically stand in reality but would rather stay fantasizing about the impossible amounts of wants that are not really applicable for me at the moment. In fact if I ever was then I was very sick in the head; and especially considering how I did have that such experience it's nothing but either a restraining order/behavioral warning sign for me in person. .....That is no matter how much I want to turn the clock back before where kids started to bully me in kindergarten.

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For one, considering I have gained such level of maturity I wouldn't say it's the people who are hateful, but wrong paradigms/prejudices that has been ingrained in their head(s) for so long. For big example, notions regarding gender/its discrimination/the divide b/w roles whatnot to 'unfair treatment' that would've been nothing but repeating propaganda of so-and-so feminist organizations existing around the globe. ..Like, if I have people IRL telling me in my face that I'm nothing more than what's in b/w my legs for no reason, while I'm virtually rid of ways to fend for myself I'd say it's nothing but disaster on my own personal end. Likewise, even if a hearty lady would bring out tears from my eyes just b/c of that level of empathy I've needed in such a 'cold' environment - if that same lady turns out to be the very person who thinks that girls should be nothing but act as child-bearers for their husbands then I'd say that notion alone itself might as well be a damnation on its own, while I hope that I don't offend the lady say that she gets to learn what I've just said about her. So you see the complexity from what seems like an infinitesimal deal. ...